he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
