GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
