man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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