My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
