Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
