this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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