i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
