How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
