and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
