You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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