hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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