If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
