if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
