remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
