My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
