your room smells of hookers.
And success
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
