Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
