HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
