i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
