Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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