I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
