Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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