Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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