wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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