but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
