Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
