The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
