I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
