The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
