you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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