If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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