Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
