I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
