You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
