Swine flu. Run for my life!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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