In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
