The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
