Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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