i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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