i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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