dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
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What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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