Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
