I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
