we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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