I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
