Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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