My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm like, not good at living.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
