it was like eating out sand paper
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
