Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
