How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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