I got chris browned last night
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
