i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
