I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize