I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
