It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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