i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
