he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
