it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my shit smells like andre
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Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
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I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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