i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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