So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
