I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
