fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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