The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
then he tried to convert me to islam
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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