You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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