Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
