she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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