So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
