so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
