we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
