We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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