I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
