I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
