I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
