Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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