I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
