That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
