I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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