Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
