I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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