He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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