Cold hands, warm shart.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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